I woke up today for prayer at 6:30am, and God knows I really didn’t want to sacrifice my sleep. But I knew that there had been things troubling my spirit and we needed to talk. I got up, called in for prayer and I sat silent. For the past two weeks, I’ve been silent with God. It’s not like me to do that but when it happens I know I stumbled somewhere in my Faith.
Keeping in real, I’ve been frustrated. I look over my life and see that I’ve accomplished so much, yet feel that I had not accomplished much of anything. Some may read this and say, but you have xyz; however, what they don’t know are my deepest desires that I fear of not retrieving. Lately, it has been literally in my face each day – someone having something that I desire to have. I pray day and night about these things and how I can prepare for them. Whether it’s a specific house, man, the right friends, or opportunities,just to name a few.
I grew frustrated because I felt that I deserved those things, even before those who received them. I’ve worked hard- I mean real hard on myself and now I have to sit and watch others have what I want, nah that’s dead lol. God knew my heart, but I was pissed ! After spending time just being mad and disgusted with how my life was going in certain areas, God “checked” me and he did it real good.
Many of you may stop reading at this point because you may not relate or don’t share the same faith as mine, that’s cool but I got an assignment to fulfill.
God checked me with two verses that I discovered while spending time with him this morning. The first scripture is Matthew 10:32 “if anyone acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will openly acknowledge that person before my father in heaven.” God spoke to me two years ago about blogging and he wanted the blog to be about my relationship with him. At first I was all about it, but then I grew weary of not having people to read it and it being a “flop.” I worried about everything and never did what he told me to. This scripture checked me because I’ve done this more times that I can count. I chose to not acknowledge God or my faith in order to have my chance with some guy or to fit in just to have friends, or to have a great chance of some man-made opportunity.
I noticed how lonely I became because I had such a strong relationship with God but kept it in secret.
The second verse that checked me was Galatians 6:7-10, I’m not gonna type it all out, but if you get the chance to read it you’ll see what I mean. As you read earlier, I grew frustrated because I seen others have what I wanted. I thought that by me getting rid of folks and keeping away from certain lifestyles that in a snap of a finger I would have my heart desires. Nahhhhh, it doesn’t happen like that, apparently. I spoke to a friend of mine from college about this and she said something that stayed with me, “do what is right because it’s the right thing to do not because you want to get a prize at the end.”
That literally wrecked me because that’s what was happening. I will do things and then hold my hands out to God and say, “see what I have done, so what do you have for me?” It was getting crazy and I just had to get my mind and spirit together.
So where do I go from here? I’m gonna still walk on this path and keep moving. I’ve gotten distracted along the way and I had to bounce back, but I’m humbled. God coming in to wreck my situation and get me in check is what I needed. Stay tuned because it’s more coming this is just part 1.