Nothing about this relationship is worth having, but for some reason it’s been hard to leave. In this relationship I feel useless, overlooked, and insecure. I am constantly walking with trembling legs because I never know what is coming next. This relationship has been abusive mentally and emotionally. I have never in my life felt so debilitated. For some reason it’s all I knew, and I have found some form of comfort in it – it became my identity. I am tired. This relationship has not been serving me well. I have missed out on great things and people. I cannot get my mind off it to focus on my dreams and desires, it’s just time for it to end. No more convincing me to believe that you’re right. I do not want to cuddle up with your presence nor feeling the air you breathe on my neck. I do not want to feel your kisses my forehead as if I’ve been the best you ever had. I’ve made up my mind that you can no longer linger in the precious areas of my life. This is over, I’m through. I am ending my relationship with fear.
Whew! So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but all that means is that I have tons to write about. Sometimes taking a break helps you to regroup and get clarity on your content. I think we all deserve a break from things even if it’s what we enjoy. Too much of anything isn’t good, right?
Perfect segway into what I wanted to share with you all today. The last two months have been crazy! As usual, I was running around with my cape on being superwoman and one day I just couldn’t keep up with myself. I felt like I didn’t have a handle on any part of my life. For someone that’s type A and organized to the core, this triggered my anxiety and developed a beast! I felt ashamed because I was losing track of all things I once had under control.
One day, oh just one sweet day, I lost it. I gave up the fight. I stopped fighting with myself to have it all together and I called for back up. The thing about being super woman is that you do everything for yourself and others, and it’s hard to see who care and support you because YOU’RE literally in the way. I was just that, and I couldn’t live there long. I finally did it, I stepped down and asked for help.
I was not sure how to go about it because it was all too foreign, but I knew I just couldn’t go on any longer. It started with grad school, I asked for extensions in which the professor was 100% on-board with. I took time off for work, in which my supervisor seen in my eyes it was badly needed. I took a break from blogging because if you are a consistent reader, you know I am transparent and expose a lot. I needed to bring it all in for a second. I literally shut down.
What I learned was that I can still be strong and superwoman slaying and saving lives, but there’s nothing wrong with needing to slow down or asking for help. Why do we shame ourselves or others for needing just that, help? Why are we so afraid or prideful to ask for help? These are some of the questions I took about a month to explore because I was curious as to why I felt too good to ask for it. I hope by reading this you ask yourself the same in return.
Leave inspired 💕