Happy October. Happy Fall. Happy Sunday.
Lately, I’ve been having conversations in my personal and work life surrounding the word confidence. In each encounter, I noticed a pattern – the lack of confidence that each individual possessed caused them to live in turbulence, insecurity, and inauthentic. I was curious behind this lack of confidence and why it was so prominent in the lives of individuals who presented to be strong, assertive, and secured. If you know me, and know me well, you probably figured what I did next – you guessed it, I did some research behind it. When I researched why individuals lack confidence, in short, it stated that some where in one’s childhood, a significant person was critical or criticized the child and it caused one to be insecure; all in all, the lack of confidence was birthed.
I know for many of you reading this, it could have been a teacher, parent, care-giver, just to name a few. When I think of it for me, I think of my third grade teacher who criticized my writing and comprehension skills. Instead of empowering me, I felt judged and punished. I failed the third grade and had to go to summer school – that was the result of that. But what she did not know was that there was things going on in my home life where I was not getting the proper attention during homework time and maybe I could not focus. I don’t remember being asked or it being brought up. Just a meeting was scheduled with my parent regarding her observations and recommendations moving forward. I tell this story because throughout my entire undergrad and graduate career, I struggled with anxiety with my writing. I’ve been told numerous times that I am a good writer, but its something about her words that still seems to hunt me from time to time.
As I like to think that I am resilient, of course I have been working on ways to combat it. It may look like pep talks before I write a paper, listening to an inspiring song, or looking over old assignments and the feedback from my professors. I remain determined to be confident in my writing, because I even struggle with my blogs at times. But what brings me relief is that it’s mine, and if someone wants to judge me for it then so be it. I don’t want this to be grammatically correct all the time because it takes away from the style and voice I like to leave with you all.
I know this may have been cut short; however, I am planning to write part two next so stay tune. In the meantime, please leave comments and tell me a bit of where you lack confidence. Trust me, I got more stories along the way.