Nothing about this relationship is worth having, but for some reason it’s been hard to leave. In this relationship I feel useless, overlooked, and insecure. I am constantly walking with trembling legs because I never know what is coming next. This relationship has been abusive mentally and emotionally. I have never in my life felt so debilitated. For some reason it’s all I knew, and I have found some form of comfort in it – it became my identity. I am tired. This relationship has not been serving me well. I have missed out on great things and people. I cannot get my mind off it to focus on my dreams and desires, it’s just time for it to end. No more convincing me to believe that you’re right. I do not want to cuddle up with your presence nor feeling the air you breathe on my neck. I do not want to feel your kisses my forehead as if I’ve been the best you ever had. I’ve made up my mind that you can no longer linger in the precious areas of my life. This is over, I’m through. I am ending my relationship with fear.
I am sure we all have some experiences of being involved in toxic relationships that were difficult to get rid of. Not by force, but because we actually LOVED those relationships. I know it may sound crazy to love something that is not good for you -the truth is we do it every day. From what we eat to the things that we do to our bodies. This has been an area of my life that held me captive for a long time.
Sure, I asked myself over a thousand times “why do I like being a part of these toxic relationships?” Now when I mention “relationships” I do not mean just romantic but friendships as well. Whew! Not only did it take one, but about three toxic relationships later when I was able to understand why I did. Believe it or not, it was because of hope. I had hope as small as a mustard seed that things would be different or that I could change him/her. But that hope was hiding the root, which was fear.
Yep, I said it fear! I was afraid to let go because I did not think it could get any better for me. I use to say things like, “this is as good as it gets Ty, suck it up and take it or be alone.” Some of you who will read this and know me personally may be surprised that I struggled. I struggled with this fear because I could never fit in. Tried dating the brotha with the gangsta lean, tried befriending the baddest chicks, tried to keep up because I was afraid to stand alone and be different.
How did I get out and make it through? I got tired, and you will too! I got tired of trying to squeeze my square into a circle. I got tired of investing in relationships/friendships that did not serve me well. I became so damn restless, it almost killed me. Matter of fact it did, well parts of me. It killed my dreams, hopes, and desires, I gave it all too much power to do even that. I had to change, I wanted out.
Where am I now? Dodging toxic relationships like a mug lol. Doing so by being a good investor. I was good at investing but not a good investor, if that makes sense. Praying about those I allow in my space, surrounding myself around others who share the same interests, and simply not being afraid to be Tysheira, Ty, TyTy all day every day, haha. What about you? Are you currently struggling with this or have in the past, how did you make it through? Let me know in the comments.
As always, leave inspired!